I should never have got married. Now I have no Soul!

Wednesday, 29 April 2009


Pardon the title- it's not my doing as you will soon read! I have had a hectic few weeks and been quite lazy to write amidst all the wonderful stuff that's going on in this life of mine!! I also lost a close friend and was stung by it quite bad but as with all things, time heals.

Anyway, today's article ain't about me- infact when i got the email- I was quite perturbed and since I got it yesterday- I've been thinking of what advice I could possibly give- I am still thinking and nothing really comes to mind for now.. I'm throwing it out there, people - it'll be hard but try not to judge and please be objective- then you'll see why I am having difficulty giving advice.... but what's done is done and I think ultimately she needs our help and let's give it as best as we can. Again, the writer is completely anonymous to me and I will call her 'Bisi' for the purpose of this story and I have not edited the contents of her story and YES, the title is directly from her as well. Here goes....

Bisi's Story

Dear Mrs. No Soul,

Sorry for the dramatic heading but that’s the best way I can sum up my situation. Where do I start from so that this story can make sense to people reading it?

While I was doing my NYSC, I met a much older guy, he was about 50yrs old then and he was extremely successful. I was posted to Ibadan, Oyo State, though life there was different from Lagos, I would, on the whole, sum Ibadan up as a very lively city where you meet a lot of influential people and Chief was one of them.

Before I moved to Ibadan and met Chief I was dating Dapo, we had been together since we were in Uni and everybody assumed we would later get married. Chief advised me to keep my relationship with Dapo as he could not marry me as he already had four wives and he was getting too tired of the domestic squabbles among the wives and taking a fifth wife would surely send him to his grave. Though I loved Chief very much I knew it would be difficult to present him at home as my partner, so I took Chief’s advice and kept Dapo.

Dapo never suspected a thing because he was doing his NYSC in Ilorin and it was only a couple of times we met up in Lagos where we both lived before service. Chief spoilt me silly in Ibadan, I had my own apartment and a nice car to cruise around in and the spare cash was used in taking care of Dapo. Not that Dapo was collecting money from me, he was a proud guy and would die first before asking for money from me, but I did buy him a lot of presents and would often lie that I got a lot of financial perks working as the PA to the MD of the company I was posted and that I was often bribed by people who desperately wanted appointments with him.

I started traveling everywhere with Chief and soon enough people in Ibadan started referring to me as Iyawo kekere, I didn’t really care because I was sure that the gist would never filter to Lagos, because life in Ibadan was just too remote and the rich people of Ibadan who live there never come to Lagos.

By the end of the service year, things had started picking up for Dapo career wise, he was retained and even promoted with a fantastic package. Chief advised me to move back to Lagos and even counseled me on how to get Dapo to propose to me. It was at this point that I discovered I was pregnant, although I had been sleeping with both of them, I was certain the pregnancy belonged to Chief , when I told him, he said I should terminate the pregnancy and even gave me money to go abroad to terminate it. I traveled out of the country but rather than have the abortion I spent the money shopping and I called Dapo to tell him I was pregnant. He was overjoyed and requested to bring his parents to meet mine upon my arrival. I agreed and I cut all ties with Chief from then.

We had a modest wedding and within seven months I gave birth to our son. He didn’t look like Dapo at all and luckily for me he had some of my features but he was a spitting image of Chief, luckily what happened in Ibadan stayed well in Ibadan and Chief did not make any attempt to look for me.

When my son turned 4yrs, he started to fall ill and there was never anything wrong with him. He is now 5yrs old and about 8months ago I gave my life to Christ and started attending a Pentecostal church. During one of our services the Pastor announced that a certain Woman had offended God and her Husband by passing off her lover’s child as her husband's and that was the reason why the child had been experiencing strange and unexplained ailments and until she confessed she would know no peace and neither would the child.

I knew in my heart that it was me the Pastor was referring to, that was three months ago, I have still not found the courage to confess to my husband, it is hard watching my son suffer so much because of my sin, but how do I explain to a husband that the boy he’s called son for 5yrs belongs to another man and how do I explain to my son one day that the reason his father left us is because the man wasn’t really his father. And how would he feel about me knowing I was the cause of his suffering and pain as a child and the fact that he had a permanent room in a hospital because he spent a lot of days and nights there??

The reason why I am writing to Mrs. No-Soul is so that maybe she can provide me with a solution on how to tell my husband about my secret without wrecking our relationship or maybe someone out there can advice me on how to go about it.

And finally I am wondering if I should look for Chief and tell him about our Son, so that if Chief accepts him my son will have a father. Just a thought though.


  1. Your son already has a father- your husband. My sympathy goes out to you, but reality is- what u sew u reap. U may get healed from a wound but the scare will always remain there. U have to stop being selfish and think of others for once. Face the music.

  2. Mrs. NS how are things with you? I hope all is well.

    Btw Bisi's story is interesting.

  3. I am with Tigeress here, time to face the music...

  4. wow, i think you need to fess up to your husband. His reaction would determine if you would tell chief or not.

  5. The advice you are looking for is How to tell your husband, I will advice that you call some of the Elders in your household that you trust or better still go and talk to your pastor and he can go with you to speak to your husband. It is time to face the music

    Don't entertain the thoughts of not telling your husband because if you don't something worse may happen and you will realise that your son falling sick is just a tip of the iceberg.

    You have offended God by not telling the real father, offence no 2 is if you disobey the warning, that one is even worse.

    All the best

  6. Sori Bibi but am wiv d girls here too

    'Fess up...if God's on ur side ur hubby will be understanding....best of luck

    Mrs NS wats up? Hw's u?

  7. Take your child to a pediatrician to find out what is wrong with him.
    What is this rubbish about sins causing your son to be sick.

    Please don't be foolish get medical attention for your son and keep your MOUTH shut.

  8. Yawa Don Gas!!!
    Ewoo! This is a very sticky situation but you have to tell your husband someday so start now and whatever comes out of it.. you will have to bear the brunt of it. Such is life!

    MrsNo soul: Hope you are doing well

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  10. I was thinking how to disagree with the people up there without too much argument.
    Thank you anonymous.

    What is you have offended God??
    I understand wat she did was wrong but it seems to me as if you people are reffering to GOD as the gods of the old days.

    Lets get it right here people, it its God we are talkign about , the father of Jesus, the one who loves little children.
    Not ogbonosho or ogun.

    As if God would willingly inflict a child with a disease because he was angry with its mother.
    Anonymous is right, go an take ur child to a peadiatrician, worse case scenario he is SS and ur husband is AA (meaning chief was AS too like you).

    Ask God for forgivness Yes but confess because you are repentant of wat you u did, not because you u think he is d one making you child sick.
    Instead Pray to God for d healing of your child.

    You are NOT the first person to give someone a child that isnt his and you will not be the last, i dont see any of THOSE kids getting ill because they are illegetimate....abegi. Mshewww
    Most dont EVER even find out they are not their fathers children an grow up to be old and have their own kids.
    Why should your own be different?

    Do wat you must hun but think wellll well before you do and make sure you are ready for all the repercussions.
    Cos forget all of us advicing you here, when shit hits the fan(as it will in ur case, BIG TIME) it will be ONLY you that will be there to clean it up.

  11. I agreee with Phoenix, telling the truth would be the right thing to do but it wil defiantley have its consequences, pray about it!

  12. wow..

    i wud say do what feels right to u..as much as we all delude ourselves that we are confused about particular situations, we do KNOW the solutions to such situations deep down..do what u KNOW is right..

    good luck..u really need it!

  13. p.s. sorry about ur son's health..i hope he gets better..

    hi mrs no soul!

  14. I'm a new born-again, so I would try to speak as much as I know from God's perspective. See, I've been called out on a lot of things by God lately, and I've learnt no matter how guilty and horrible you feel (sometimes I don't want to read my bible cos i'm scared i'll read smth abt d situation, or pray, cos i've no confidence 2 face him), but the thing is when God calls u out, he wants 2 take u somewhr else (ur mind, ur soul, ur thinking, everything). God's repair is a total thing, painful at first, with lots of struggling and sufferings, but when it's all done, babe U'd not mind going thru it all over again, just to be the perfect person for Him (Jesus).

    Seriously, pray, bare it all to him, ur emotions, the pain, and let him know that u can only depend on him, not urself at all. remember that being a born-again=substituting ur will (all of it) for His. he has promised he wud give us rest...best believe that what u get at the end of dis struggle. Focus on him, dnt let ur accuser (the devil) condemn u, remember God is soveriegn and ignoring him is a straight highway 2 perdition.

    all d best (HUGS). remember the david and bathsheba story...i can imagine gist must hv flowed abt him back then, but he is one of the most repected men in isreal, more than that he won God's heart completely, babe...enter ur rest, dnt let the devil stop u, not after uv come this far, not after God is speaking DIRECTLY to u

  15. **just came across this in my devotional, and I thought of you**

    it's abt david and goliath, and the point was that david did 2 things any of the soldiers could hv done, he knew the will of God and did it (even tho it meant stepping out alone), and his obedience was accompanied by trust. what ever God gives you to do, and yet to do, He is totally adequate for it, not you, but Him.

    hope it helps

    Hope ur doing good, mrs. ns

    Take your Son to the hospital and find out what is wrong with him. Love your husband as best as you can....and love your Son as well. Thats all u can really do, Ok! Telling ur husband will make you feel better but it wont help him or your son. If u tell u are being selfish. The truth does set u free but destroys the life of your husband and there I say, your son's as well. XOXO

  17. @ everyone - thank you so much for your various comments- I certainly enjoyed reading the feedback.

    My Take - Bisi, I am still confused because I read each comment and nod in agreement - so in short- in one mind - I think - awwww, poor boy- put him out of his misery, confess to your hubby, get elders involved, go for deliverance for him etc ..
    On another note-I'm thinking- keep schtum, don't rock the boat; get a very good paediatrician for a proper diagnosis and if you've done that and still no real diagnosis- pls fly him to the UK or South Africa and let them run tests on the boy.It is not fair that he is so ill. and I am of the opinion too that God is not likely to make a child ill on your account- but honestly- I try not to make too many comments on God and Church and Pastors..
    BUT like Phoenix alluded above,after all said and done- he may then need something only the real father can give like blood or stem cells or whatever-- and then you won't be able to hide. so I am still confused o- all advice is valuable-and I am sure and hope that from the above comments- you may be able to find one that works for you.

    @ Tigress, Qube, Nice Anon, ButterCup, Anon @ 7:48- Thanks for checking, I am good thanks. April has been really interesting for me and May is set to start the same - will be blogging an update from me soon!

  18. Firstly my msg is to mrs no soul.... I pray for God;s strenght for you. Cos when u av his strenght, u can face whatever life throws at u.

    @Bisi... U need to confess this to God 1st. Go on ur knees n confess wit ur own mouth to God and ask for forgiveness. Seek his guidance on this. Blive me he will show u how to deal with d situation. But i can guarantee u , he will lead u to tell ur husband but teach u how.
    @ all.... d bible says d sins of d father will be visited on the son, even up to d 4th generation. Sumtimes we suffer thru association, bisi son's sickness may be a direct result of her sins ie bcos chief has a genetic disorder or bisi n chief combined produced ss.
    In short bisi, confess to God and seek d right treatment for ur son... and wait for Gods time to confess to ur husband. when u do dat, ur marriage might still b saved. My friend is and their son is deir doctors not her husband.

  19. I hate lies. I hate deceit. The TRUTH ALWAYS comes out. If I were her husband, I would want to know. She needs to take her child to a doctor,tell her husband the truth and let the chips fall.

  20. We all know how the chips are going to fall - big divorce, slandering, child will be fatherless - if you are ready to do this - go ahead.
    What he doesn't know won't hurt him i.e. your husband.

    Again take your child to a pediatrician

  21. Pray and talk to God about your son. It is between you and God and the "curse" will be off your son. Telling your hubby depends on how well you know him and how you think he will tke the news. If he will take it well, then fine. if not, then keep it to yourself until such time. In the UK or the States, this confession stuff works, unfortunately, in our culture, I am not so sure...Make amends with God and let Him lead you. Just my two cents.

  22. Im still wonderin y anyone wud tell u not to tell ur husband........u think ull be able to live with urself if u dont? dnt u have a conscience?
    See, Our God isnt complicated at all n im sure nothin is hidden under d sun, he has already warned u...yes he may nt be duduosun or wuteva yall call it but he strikes....d bible says our God cannot be mocked.....u shud be lucky he has calld u out, so many people do not get dat lucky so if u knw wut is gud 4 u, u betta go talk to ur husband, God wnt direect u 2 a path 2 destroy u, it may hurt for a little but U knw he'll see u thru...ur a christian n u knw all dis so i dnt knw exactly wut u wanna hear 4rm us....U knw d right thing so do it.....people here will only tell u wut they'll do in the situation not the right thing.
    Some r sayin take ur son 2 a pediatrician...ummm duuuuuh, do u think she already hasnt done dat.....pls pls advice wisely n maturely people!

  23. i had a similar situation...i had a fling with a girl from work... lasted 6 months. great sex. she could ejaculate and I was the first guy that got her to do that. great companionship...we could sit in the lounge fully clothed and chat all night...even after we had started shagging. after our breakup she met with another and so did I. but three months of bad sex with another later she called me up and said you must hit it again. I obliged. too well. she fell pregnant...never told me. still chatted on phone but never saw each other. only after i was married she told me i had a son with her. i did not know how to tell my wife. what killed me was having this wonderful relationship with my wife but keeping a dreadful secret from her. when i told her the relief was immense and it brought us closer together. it may well have gone the other way - i know. but truth is liberating my sister. face up to it. whatever will be will be but the noose that you are in will get tighter with time. only you can free yourself...

  24. Please update. Your blog is most interesting.

  25. Where have you been???
    Update!!!! lol

  26. aint karma a bitch? am amazed at the kinda advice folks here give really

  27. The One you should confess and surrender to is God. I know the God I serve and he'll take care of the rest. God will prompt you to talk when it is time to talk; God will do everything for you. Be patient and trust in Him. Have faith that everything will work out well. God will make everything right.

  28. mrs how r u? u v bin quiet. hope u r findin strenght to deal wit tins. Take kia.

  29. hey miss...u've not updated in a while..hope ur doin ok..jus drop a line to let us knw ur alright...will be praying for you...


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  31. D'uh!
    She has been wicked. To the child, herself, dapo and Chief.

    Chopped the money chief gave her!!! Nonsense.

    Anyways,now that I have that bile outta my system...Fess up girl and keep moving on. What really defines us is How and when we take responsibility for our mistakes and genuinely make steps to correct them. Live and let live.

    Safe girl.

  32. I wonder what the woman in turmoil has decided to do since this post went up. I say it doesn't matter whether she says it or not, because at the end of the day, nothing is really hidden under the sun.

  33. Hope ur good, just checkin up on you.