Still Opening Up

my last post was the hardest thing I have done in a loong while- it is the first time I have actually acknowledged the fact or entertained the thought of even seeking to discuss it with another human being.




Anyway, so after my X5- things just got progressively 'worse'- if any of the kids sneezed, they had to go to England to see a doctor- if I had a headache- the same thing- we were just on another level of reality and when I questioned my hubby- he said to me that his business had picked up and that he wanted to give his family the best- I told him we only needed to see him more and that since he met his NBF - things were a bit weird. We were still intimate- but it sort of seemed like he wasn't really enjoying himself anymore- and after a while- I also started to make my excuses. One day- I told him that there was something I needed to discuss with him-





Me: Hon, do you think there's something amiss between us? Your NBF seems to have taken my place in your heart- something that none of the kids could achieve.....





Him: and what's that supposed to mean?





Me: well, you go off on business trips and strangely haven't invited me to go on any- in the past- when you had to travel for such trips- you would ask me to join you at east at the weekend? Have I done something wrong? have I put some weight on (which I knew I hadn't) or are we at the place where yo just don't find me sexy anymore?





Him: listen, I haven't got the time for this trivial conversation- do I not provide for you and our family? am i failing in my responsibilities? when you should be praising me- you're saying I don't find you sexy... why don't you find someone that will make you feel sexy - if I am falling short?





Me ( getting really pissed off btw): ah ah; find someone- can't believe you would even suggest that- I wonder what's going on that you won't say... or should we get a divorce?





Him: I really don't have time for this..





Me: well, maybe you should - cos I am sick to death of feeling like I am losing my husband to a man who everyone says / knows is gay.....





Him: WHAT? did you just say?





Me: well, maybe you should- cos I'm .... he cuts in-





Him: I heard you loud and clear the first time and you are even about to repeat it..





Him to Me- an earth shattering SLAP!!





Him: Don't you EVER say that to me about NBF!! and storms out...





So, I stay slapped for a while till the stars cleared- I am light- skinned- so my cheek was really sore and I dare say I could still see his prints on my face.





That weekend- one busy body friend of mine came round to see me- Where's Dele? she asked- he's out, I said.. She continued- 'I hope he's not with NBF o- their relationship is very disturbing- don't you find it disturbing? , I mean the guy is a legendary gay person - everyone knows and we all know his closeness with so and so, a prominent Northern Nigerian - has been proven to be sexual.. I hear Dele now goes to Abuja all the time and whenever he meets his old friends- he just goes on and on about NBF and this so and so man! I am quite worried for you. My Husband even said the other day that a friend of a friend saw Dele and NBF shopping for expensive watches at Harrods and it looked a bit too cosy. Does he have a new watch? and everyday, we hear about men doing really strange things in Abuja for contracts and stuff...


She went on and on and on and on.... when she finished or paused for air? I told her I needed to go out and basically ushered her out nicely. I cried my eyes out cos she truly had described my new husband- who couldn't stop talking about NBF and Mallam so and so.


At that point- I had to ask myself- was she insinuating that my hubby is now gay? because I had not even thought about it as a possibility... I was just concerned for his reputation and had not even given rise to such a damaging thought.





So, I started to watch very closely- I had already been slapped, which was out of character for Dele and quite honestly- was not ready to get beaten on top of it all. He came back quite contrite after slapping me- said that NBF mad him see sense- that I was bound to hear rumours and had a right to be concerned and he shouldn't have slapped me and he apologises etc etc and hugs me.. I just begged him never to hit me again because I would leave and take my kids with me. He went tense and then he said - I won't... and went off to the den to watch TV which was on till I fell asleep.





In the midst of all this- my hubby sacked his driver of 5 years- when I asked why-he just mumbled an excuse and that was it.


So I arranged a meeting with the ex-driver (without his knowledge)- when I asked what had happened- after a looong silence and a promise of 100k in cash- he said to me that - On the day he got fired, like always- he took my hubby to Oga NBF's 'house' after work- and that day- my hubby had left his phone in the car and it kept ringing- so he figured it might be important and decided to take it in.. he says he walked into the house ( which by now, had been established to be a guest house and not NBF's marital home ) - and didn't see anyone in the living room and went on upstairs and was stopped in his tracks by some moans and groans... and decided to go back.. Now, he says that he assumed the guys had been meeting some women and on the way home- he apologised to my hubby that he shouldn't have come in and that madam (me) would never hear about it- the poor guy should have shut up cos apparently hubby called NBF and said - the driver says he came in ..blah blah blah and the conversation ended with OK BUT when they got home- my hubby relieved the guy of his job and gave him a cheque for 250K.





I gave the guy his money and went home... I didn't mention the meeting with the driver to my hubby- I just told him that I hear that he and NBF go to guest houses with women.... he said I must be joking and that - hand on heart, he and NBF have had to go to some private office- to do some private conference /video calls....hmmmmmm!!! He swore that they don't and have never met any women anywhere - that they are very into their work etc etc... so what do you think my driver heard??? the conference call?? or my man and NBF doing the nasty??!!





Things started falling apart- I mentally dropped out of the marriage and just sit there because I love him with all my heart but I really just wish I wasn't married to him. He is really into keeping up appearances and has said I must never leave otherwise I won't see my children. He senses that I know or suspect something and have tuned off... Now, 4 years on, we just plan our tactics to keep people thinking that we are really into each other.. and we are damn perfect at it, if I may say so myself :-)

tell you more later....