I should never have got married. Now I have no Soul!

Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Opening Up......

I think my hubby is Gay......

OK, rewind... shouldn't have said that. I should have said- I think my hubby is Bisexual.

I can hear all your questions - screaming at me-

How long have I suspected this? Why do I suspect? Have I confronted him? Do his folks and siblings know what I suspect? Do my folks and siblings? and alll the other many questions- I will answer you- or at least try to.

Dele and I got married in the summer of 1998 and had a nice big wedding- both of us- with prominent Yoruba backgrounds... it was a match made in heaven and I had just completed my masters and he was already working in an oil firm and after a healthy 2 year courtship- i got married at 25, a year older than my mom had. Our first child came when I was 27 and Dele and I spent the first 2 years of our marriage on a different level of courtship- we were always an example to other older/younger married couples... we kinda still are EXCEPT that- we really aren't!

Our first child came and it was the daughter my husband had always wanted arrived and not too long after, we had a son and another daughter-we seemed to have all we always prayed for and were the ideal family. He had grown within the company and after a few years decided to set up his own thing- but with the support of the company he'd been working with. I on the other hand, was working in investment banking but we never messed about with time with the children and holidays away etc.

Then one day Dele comes home, in the foulest of moods- one of his business partners had just stitched him in quite badly and he was fuming- he said he had to go and meet some dude over the weekend to resolve the issue- basically, I think his business partner rerouted the bank loan and kinda disappeared. So, off he went to meet this guy and we even talked while he was waiting to see the man. He came back singing this guy's praises and hinting that this guy even wanted a stake in the business and they had found a way to nail the bad partner. OK- no worries, at least he was happy again. To cut a long story short, this guy became my hubby's bestest friend on earth- all his childhood friends (and he's one of those people that has been friends with some people for 37 years) stated to complain- then one day, someone casually dropped it into the conversation that my hubby's new buddy ( a married man as well), was..... you know... GAY!!!

So, I am waiting stupidly for my hubby to return from SA with this guy just so I could give him the gist and ask if he knew ( and chastise him for not giving his wife the gist)- So, I went to pick hubby from the airport as we always do and I shuddered when they hugged each other to say good bye.... it hadn't even crossed my mind that it was a possibility that my hubby and him were involved- I just wanted to give my hubby the gist so in the car on the way home- we talked about the trip- he said - oh so and so ( new best friend) even upgraded my seat from Business to First Class both ways- so we could chat during the flight.... OK... I said "ah- he must really love you o anyway- I have gist for you but it's for indoors- cos I didn't want the driver to hear".

We get in - he plays with the kids and then says he's tired and wants to sleep- NOW- my hubby is REALLY REALLY into my body- or should i say 'was'. We were one of those people that could shag anywhere and anytime- it was like our bodies were trained to misbehave when we were around ourselves- our sex life was beyond awesome and I had a coil fitted cos I didn't want to be pregnant ALL the time!! Now he wants to sleep and I don't see that he's reaching out for me or mentally undressing me as he normally would- I had got my hair done and I was wearing something skimpy- as usual, so he wont have much to take off... I go into our bathroom and run a bath and ask him to come and relax with me and he says- "babes- I said I am tired"-alarm bells!!!!

I held off on the gist about Mr New Best Friend (NBF) and said "OK hon, I'll join you in bed in a bit"- did my routines and went to bed. Now My Body was trained to make love to my husband all the damn time and especially as he'd been away for a week- we knew we wanted some- so i thought- he must be tired but I'll let him be.. I'll get on top anyway etc etc.... I start trying to kiss my hubby and play with his sensitive nipples but he says to me again- Babes- I am really tired and need to get some sleep- let's do this tomorrow. In the history of our life together, even when I am sick or he is sick- (pregnancy or no pregnancy)- we always ALWAYS made love.. I didn't sleep that night... to be honest- 4 years on - I still don't sleep well!

The next day- he was out of bed and says he's meeting Mr NBF for brekkie to discuss the trip- I wondered aloud whether that wasn't why he had been upgraded to first class... later that afternoon, we had a brand new BMW X5 delivered- this was a car I had wanted since it came out- but with giving 3 children the best education, living conditions and holidays ever- we agreed that we won't change our cars every year as we used to besides we already had 4 cars between us and the kids- all high end luxury cars. I called Dele to ask why the car was here- he said he asked them to deliver it- that he told NBF how much I loved the car and NBF convinced him to buy it for me. I was deflated, all I wanted was for my hubby to sleep with me as we used to and believe me- when you had what we had sexually- you would miss it even before its gone!

I knew there was a problem because we didn't sleep together for 2 weeks after he returned if he didn't pick a fight, then he would be in Abuja for the night or come back home at 2 am and fall asleep on the sofa and just generally- became this cranky beast!!

I am very wary of Loooooong posts... so I think I will stop here for now- my chest even hurts as as I type.. will be back tomorrow with more....


  1. These a strong accusations to throw out there. I would say find out what is going on with him and his new best friend.

  2. oh my God, oh my God, oh my freaking God!
    Arre u kidding me. Damn men. Me I dont even know what to say. chei!

  3. woh woh woh woh!
    oh no!
    shit.shit. shit.

    i'm so sorry..and out of the blue???
    i hope it isnt true..

  4. please come back to finish this. u must know for a fact else you wouldnt post this. women dont tend to accuse men of being gay or bisexual without solid proof.im waiting

  5. Wow. I'm not sure what to say...I understand your confusion... I hope it isn't true. I also know that when it comes to our instinct, we're usually right.

    I can't wait to hear the rest.


  6. I'm with Jaguda..and you say 4 years have passed since then..


    I really do hope and pray you are wrong..gosh..

    I'm really sorry you've not been happy..

  7. @ Nice Anon- thanks for dropping in- you only read half of the story though...and yeah, it is a mighty strong accusation- which is why I thought I could share here on blogville...

    @ Temite- i understand your speechlessness...

    @ Mocha- thank you and ye, out of the blue- I have no doubt that he'd never ever delved into it before...

    @ Jaguda- thanks for visiting- I have now updated- you can decide if you share my suspicions? :-)

    @ Jayla- n real wa

    @SexKitten- life is way too complicated my dear.. hugs back..

    @ Naijagirl- hmmmm- I sigh sooo much as well...

    @Buttercup- thanks a lot- my children make me happy- but marriage seriously is shite!

    @ wordmerchant- you don't have to wait much longer- it's up now....

  8. hmmmm.. one of those where I'm not sure what to say.. Unlike previous commenters I'll read the next bit... but if true it is unfortunate and disheartening

  9. Wow, I always suspected an ex of mine was gay, you need to see his friend fussing over him and asking if he has eaten and all that shit tht I was supposd to be doing but wasn't doing...

  10. This is really sad. I hope for her own sake that he isnt gay and just...........moody/cranky?

  11. It is spelt out, the new guy has a strong hold on your hubby. I hope he is not gay. I remember my ex- boyfreind back in the late 90"s was asked out by one of the top naija big boys in lagos. The dude wanted them to be lovers. He told me about it and we destroyed his card. talking to some freinds, iwe learn't that he was known to be gay. I think he had something to do with golden eagles administration.Trust me gay lifestyle has existed in Nigeria for a long time but due to societal influence people just close their mouth. Back to you, Mrs Nosoul you need to confront him NOW!