Tanya's Story

Thanks for the comments and the welcome, people. I feel highly honoured.

Today has been one of those days- I have been up all morning, calling the tailors to deliver mine and the kids' outfits for mom in laws party tomorrow. Hubby's mom still does his and his siblings- oh well, saves me the trouble!! Also getting ready for the 'gele' (head-tie) girl to come and tie the gele which I will then place on my head perfectly tomorrow. She can't come to the house tomorrow because hubby is quite cranky and can erupt anytime and I can't risk any gossip starting all because I want to wear a nice headtie.

More about me later- today is meant to be about Tanya. She's in her mid 30s and has been married 8 years with a set of 6+ year old twin boys. Its been rocky on and off but no one really knew the details, word had it she'd moved out a couple of times. Until she came to see me- this is her story......I have written it in the 1st person for easy reading....

"I always knew my husband was a womaniser but I was so relieved when he married me amongst the many girlfriends he had at the time. The day he proposed to me was the best day of my life and today, I don't know if I can still call it that.The signs first started after about 1 year of our marriage, when I was about 4 months pregnant- the first trimester had been hellish and being my first pregnancy, I was scared of everything including my own shadow!

I had morning, afternoon and night sickness and the last thing I wanted was to sleep with my hubby and I thought he would understand and all. Anyway, I'm 4 months gone and he comes in one evening from work all sweet and patronising- maybe I just have a suspicious mind, I thought. He made me a hot chocolate and took me to our bedroom and waited till I was asleep. You know when pregnant, u pee a lot especially if the baby is on your bladder (as my twins were). I needed the loo and woke up about 20 mins after I had drifted off into sleep and noticed he wasn't there and thought- he must be watching the late news or something and left it. I got up a few more times that night and to be honest, after a while concluded he was being nice cos he'd snuck out to hang with the boys! No big deal, I thoughtA few weeks later, things got worse cos the househelp my mom had brought from calabar left without notice. So I was cooking, cleaning etc. My hubby was really supportive though and immediately pressured his mom and about a week later we got another girl from Benue. After about 2 months, I had to go to Chicago to have my babies- hubby said I had to go early because it was twins and I was not coping well here. So I left. He came once a month and when the babies came he came for 2 wks and came with the nanny (I requested for help). This benue girl that could barely speak english when I left- was such a nuisance now. And bringing her to america I think made it even worse. I kept my cool. When we returned home- I burnt her passport and sent her packing.

Luckily, we had got 2 nannies ready for each twin waiting for our return. As soon as we arrived, my mom sent them over and I was trying to bond with my hubby and the twins too.To cut a long story short, when the twins were about 4 months old, I noticed one day that the girls were not talking to one another! And won't say why but it was evident that these girls who were so close like sisters, now couldn't stand one another. At first my friends said jokingly that maybe they were fighting over the cook or the driver or security guard. So one day, I asked them- they won't say anything!! Until I came back early one afternoon from a friend's dad's funeral and walked in on a big fight, they were tearing at each other's clothes in the middle of the day and I thought I mis-heard 'leave my oga for me' or rather I thought they were fighting over me. The minute they saw me, they stopped and I called them back and asked, they kept quiet- I called the police and it turns out that they had both been sleeping with my husband and were now both jealous because they both loved him.

Then the neighbour's help told her madam that the 2 previous girls- benue and calabar had also done and as a matter of fact, so good was my husband that she and a few other girls in our apartment block had been there, done that. My husband? My husband? The father of my twins? I cried and cried and decided from that day never to sleep with him again. I told his parents- they begged me to keep mum. My mom and dad also said its a scandal and to keep mum to protect my home and our names!!

The reason I am here to see you Mrs NoSoul, is because I am done and want a divorce. I haven't slept with him since the twins were 4 months old. Now they're over 6 years old. I have had affairs with 2 men in the whole time and I don't want to sin anymore. My parents know you and respect you, your marriage and our friendship. I want you to be there when I say I want out!!!"
I was shell shocked at Tanya's story and I still am!! But I told her not to give up yet, to hang in there, for the kids! For the security behind being a Mrs Somebody! What do you think? She has no idea about my life and I can't be as open with her as she has been with me. I feel really bad but I want your views.

Should she stay?